In the lead up to Great Britain Women’s European Championship match-up with Germany last month, we caught up with captain Zoe John to hear about how she has tackled some wider issues off the field.
Zoe is an ambassador for BEAT, the UK’s Eating Disorder Charity, and through experiences on and off the gridiron has seen the impact of sport on those dealing with disordered eating and other mental illnesses.
Zoe’s journey in American football began in 2016 when she joined her local team, the Cardiff Valkyries. From taking on team sport for the first time to now representing and captaining Great Britain, Zoe reflects on what Sunday represents for herself and the Great Britain programme.
“On a personal level, it’s about representing the team, but also representing the things I’ve overcome and helping other people become more confident in their own journey in the programme”, she commented.
Zoe has been recovered from eating disorders for around ten years, but she describes how her struggles with body image began when she was just five years old.
“I carried that with me for a very long time. Then over the span of probably ten years, from the age of 14 to 23, I was in and out of experiencing different eating disorders. They were embedded in low self-esteem, lack of body confidence, trauma, abusive relationships, and bullying.”
”Eating disorders can cause weight gain, weight loss, or no noticeable change. The vast majority of people with eating disorders are within a ‘normal’ weight range.
Beat, the UK's Eating Disorder Charity
“It doesn’t matter what level you play at, whether it’s your local level or the professional level. As athletes, we are hard on ourselves and we like to try and think we are or should be performing in an impeccable and perfect way. And that just doesn’t happen. It doesn’t happen in the NFL. It doesn’t happen anywhere.
“I do find myself still thinking I should have done more, I could do more. Those voices do still creep in, so it’s definitely something that you need to keep tabs on and just respect yourself and give yourself that space to breathe.
“Even things like getting ready for a game, you have to fuel yourself and if you’re used to eating certain foods and then suddenly you’re in a different country, and you can’t have that routine, that can really throw you off as well.”
Having worked through those experiences, Zoe feels empowered to drive awareness and tackle the stigma that faces so many, particularly those involved in sport.
“I think the biggest thing for me is understanding and taking away the stigma of certain types of food and nutrition. I started in this sport as a linebacker, I’m now on the defensive line where the bigger girls and the bigger bodies normally are. But I don’t see my body now as this shameful thing. I do still struggle with self-image sometimes, but overall I know that I need to fuel myself to do everything I need to do. I feel powerful, I feel strong, and I think that’s the most important thing because I spent so much time not just feeling weak, but being weak.”
Whether it’s through her role as captain with Great Britain American Football, out in the community, or on social media, Zoe has found motivation in looking ahead to the next generation.
“I want to try and be the person that I didn’t have when I was younger. I know out there somewhere, even if they’re maybe not watching American football, there are little girls that were my size watching sport and going ‘oh my god, she looks like me’.
“That’s just something I didn’t have at all. And I think that helps you in those moments. You want to be strong and you want to show those young people in the crowd how strong we are, and how great it is that we all don’t have to be the same thing or the same mould.
“I think it’s important as athletes to show that being in space, being present, being strong and feeling yourself is so much more than just what you look like.”
If you’re worried about your own or someone else’s health, you can contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity, on 0808 801 0677 or beateatingdisorders.org.uk